New Beginnings
by Settiai
Summary: The crew's first mission under Shepard's command could have gone worse. It also could have gone quite a bit better. [Jay Shepard: Colonist, War Hero, Sentinel]


_Flames burned around her, screams and sobs everywhere she turned. Her breath was coming in short gasps as she ran, her lungs burning. She had to find them. If she just ran a little faster, maybe she wouldn't be too late this time._

_She sprinted around the corner, her eyes widening as she skidded to a halt. Her eyes watered from the smoke, its acrid smell burning in her nose. The bodies were there, like they always were. They were burned almost beyond recognition, but she could still smell the metallic tang of blood underneath it. She was too late. She was always too late._

_The four of them lay there, sprawled like dolls. She fought the urge to gag, to cry, to scream. She had to be strong. They would—_

—_no, that wasn't right. There shouldn't be four bodies. There hadn't been four. Not on Mindoir. Her parents. Robin. But not Raven. Raven hadn't died, not then, not with them. She hadn't burned. There shouldn't be four._

"_Jay!"_

_Robin's voice echoed around her, but it couldn't be him. He was gone. They were all gone. She shouldn't be hearing him._

_The scene shifted, whirling around her like the stars during a jump. Jenkins was collapsed on the ground in front of her, his eyes wide and sightless. Except it wasn't Eden Prime. It was Elysium. It wasn't Jenkins. It was Jo, her uniform torn and stained with dirt and blood._

_There was a flash of blue behind her, and she spun around. Biotics? No, the beacon. Both. Alenko struggled, already rising in the air, his hands glowing blue as he fought against it. She pushed past Williams—except it wasn't Williams, it was Raven, why was it Raven?—running toward him as fast as she could._

_And then Alenko was gone, and Robin took his place. His eyes met hers, as green as she remembered, his red hair so short she could barely tell its color. The blue of his biotics streamed from his fingers, powers he'd never had the chance to learn how to control._

_Frozen forever at sixteen._

Shepard's eyes shot open, her heart pounding in her ears. She sat straight up, letting her sheets fall down to pool in her lap.

A dream. It had been a dream.

Biting back a curse, she reached up and ran her fingers through her hair. It was short enough that doing so didn't do much, but she could feel the sweat. It had been ages since she'd had a nightmare like that one. She should have expected everything that had happened the past few days to have brought all those old pains back to the forefront. She hadn't, but she should have.

"Damn it," Shepard muttered, throwing herself out of bed. She reached for her clothes and started pulling them on.

There was no point in trying to go back to sleep, at least not for the time being. She had too much adrenaline running through her system. She knew from past experience that all she would do is toss and turn the rest of the night if she tried.

Shepard glanced at the time and grimaced. Oh, well. If she had to be up, at least she could prepare for their upcoming mission a bit more. It was going to be the crew's first one together, at least under her command instead of Anderson's. She expected the Alliance portion of the crew would be fine; it was Garrus, Tali, and Wrex that she wasn't quite certain about. She hadn't lied to them on the Citadel, she needed all the help she could get for this mission, but… well, she knew what to expect from Alenko, Williams, and the other humans on board. The three aliens were an unknown quantity. And she wasn't fond of unknowns.

Besides, she could do with some coffee.

* * *

Shepard wasn't certain what it was that had caught her attention. A hint of noise, maybe, or a flicker of movement out of the corner of her eye. Whatever it was, _something_ made her glance up from her datapad just in time to see Garrus freeze in the entryway to the mess, what looked to be a plate of some type of dextro food clutched in his… claws? Talons? She didn't have a clue what turians called them, but she mentally added the question to the ever-growing list of things she needed to look up.

She wasn't an expert on turian expressions by any means, but embarrassment was pretty easy to pick up on with almost any species.

"Commander." His mandibles twitched, his eyes widening ever so slightly. "I'm sorry to disturb you. I didn't expect anyone else to be here."

Shepard suspected he was trying to be subtle about slowly edging backwards. He wasn't succeeding.

"It's fine, Garrus," she said, gesturing at the empty table she was sitting at. "There's plenty of room for you to have your… dinner? Breakfast? Late night snack?"

Garrus chuckled, although judging by the look on his face a moment later he hadn't meant to do so. He hesitantly walked over and sat down across from her, putting down his plate of—well, she wasn't quite certain what it was, but she hoped it tasted better than it looked for his sake. She'd made certain that the mess was stocked with some dextro supplies before they left the Citadel, but she had no idea if they were _good_ dextro supplies.

"It's a little bit of all three," Garrus said slowly. The embarrassment was back; she could tell from the way he didn't quite meet her eyes. "I, uh, didn't quite get around to eating an evening meal, and since I was awake anyway-"

He trailed off, but Shepard could read between the lines. She'd noticed that the mess had been a bit more crowded than usual when she'd passed through on the way to her quarters, crew members who typically didn't linger over their food staying longer as rumors and stories changed hands. It hadn't even occurred to her that the environment might not be the most welcoming one for her newest crewmembers.

Shepard frowned. That was something she needed to fix. Maybe she could invite the ground crew to meet for a meal once they got back from their mission. The crew was never going to get used to working with aliens if said aliens stayed hidden away belowdeck.

Garrus's mandibles twitched again.

"It's nothing, Garrus," Shepard said distractedly, waving a hand in his direction. She just hoped she was reading him correctly; she didn't know much about turian facial expressions, but she was getting a distinctly nervous vibe from him. "I just realized that there's something I need to do later."

"Of course, Commander," he said stiffly. He hesitated for a moment, some type of turian—she assumed, at least, though for all she knew it could be asari or salarian or, hell, elcor—utensil that looked something like a fork held loosely in his hand. She couldn't help but notice that he hadn't eaten a bite, despite the fact that the rather large amount of food piled on his plate suggested that he was probably hungry.

Shepard's mouth twitched a little, but she carefully kept herself from smiling. "Vakarian, I promise that I don't bite. Just eat your food, will you?"

He opened his mouth as if he was going to reply, but then he closed it back. "You don't… bite?" he asked carefully.

This time, she let herself smile. Just a little. "Sorry, it's just a human expression. Seriously, eat your dinner. Breakfast. Whatever. Pretend I'm not here."

She pointedly looked back down at her datapad, reading over the little information they had about Edolus. A moment later, the silence was broken by the sound of chewing.

Shepard couldn't help it when her smile grew just a little wider.

* * *

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Shepard's grip on the steering tightened unconsciously. "You and me both, Wrex."

"That makes three of us then," Garrus said, leaning forward a bit from where he was sitting in the back of the Mako.

Shepard narrowed her eyes as she slowed the Mako down, her gaze focused on the burning Grizzly in the distance. They were still too far away to see it clearly, but she had a sinking feeling that she knew exactly what the small, dark specks surrounding it were.

"Something's not right here," she said, shaking her head. "The layout… it's wrong. It wasn't weapons fire that took them out. It couldn't have been."

Garrus made a soft keening noise. "What else could it have been?"

"I've got a really bad feeling about this," Wrex repeated with a growl.

Shepard jerked the Mako to an abrupt stop. Garrus lurched forward several inches before his safety harness kicked in, keeping him from completely flying into the front of the tank. Judging by the thud and not-so-muffled curse coming from behind her, Wrex had found himself in a similar situation.

"Shepard," Wrex growled out. "What the hell was that?"

She didn't even glance back, her grip on the steering tightening. "Get on the guns. Both of you. Now."

"What's going on?" Garrus asked, unhooking his harness so that he could get to the machine gun. Wrex had already grabbed the targeting controls for the cannon.

Shepard couldn't help but feel a bit pleased that neither of them had hesitated to follow her order. "The ground's shaking."

There was a pause.

"I don't remember you mentioning anything in the briefing about this planet having significant seismic activity," Garrus said slowly.

Shepard took a deep break. The shaking was getting worse, becoming more and more noticeable. "Yeah, that's because it doesn't."

There was another pause.

Wrex made a snarling sound. "Fuck."

And _that_ was when the thresher maw came roaring out of the ground less than fifty feet away from them.

* * *

Tali tilted her head as Shepard stumbled out of the still slightly smoking Mako, right on the heels of Garrus and Wrex. Shepard suspected she was openly gaping at them, but with her face covered there was no way to be certain.

"Still jealous that you didn't get to go groundside?" Williams asked, walking up to stand beside the quarian.

Tali shook her head, not saying anything. The silence was a bit telling, Shepard thought, but she wasn't going to call the young woman on it.

Williams stood there a moment, crossing her arms in front of her, studying the scene in front of her. "No offense, ma'am, but what the hell happened?" she asked, reaching out to touch one of the gaping holes in the side of the Mako.

Garrus's arm shot out, and he grabbed her hand before she could actually touch the Mako. "Trust me, Chief, you really don't want to do that," he said as Williams jerked her arm out of his grip, an annoyed look on her face. "There may still be acid on it."

The annoyed look on her face disappeared. "Acid?" she repeated, her expression instantly growing serious. She immediately turned toward Shepard. "Ma'am?"

Shepard started to reply, but then she ended up almost doubling over with a coughing fit. She held up a finger as she tried to get the coughs under control.

Wrex glanced between Shepard and Williams for a moment. Then he grunted: "Thresher maw."

Williams stared at him blankly for a moment. "You ran into a thresher maw."

"Keelah," Tali muttered, sounding a bit shocked.

Shepard nodded as she straightened back up, her face serious. "Someone set a trap, lured Kahoku's team right into the middle of its nest."

"Damn." Williams let out a whistle. "And this was just our first mission. That doesn't bode well."

Wrex just shrugged as he pushed past Williams and Tali, making his way over to the corner of the deck that he'd claimed at his own. "It could've been worse."

Shepard stared at his retreating back, well aware that she wasn't the only one.

"I'm scared to ask _how_ he thinks it could have been worse," Garrus said finally.

Shepard let out an amused snort despite herself. "Well, at least there weren't two thresher maws," she told him, raising her voice so that Wrex would definitely hear it.

His booming laugh told her that she'd at least come up with the right answer.

"Okay, I'm hitting the shower," Shepard said, clapping her hands together. "I'll see all of you in the mess at 1800 for dinner."

She turned and started for the elevator before any of them could even think about arguing.

* * *

Shepard poked her head in the door of the medical bay. Dr. Chakwas immediately looked up from her desk, her eyes widening when she saw the commander.

"Commander Shepard!" she exclaimed, standing up from her desk. "What on earth happened to you?"

Shepard glanced down at her filthy under armor and grimaced. "Long story, doc," she said, waving her off. "Nothing a shower won't cure."

Chakwas eyed her warily, as if she wasn't quite certain whether or not to believe her. Which, Shepard acknowledged, probably meant that the doctor had been looking over her files; she suspected some of the doctors on her previous tours had probably left copious notes about just how much she _really_ didn't like spending time in the medical bay if she could help it.

"Seriously, nobody was injured except for the Mako," Shepard said hurriedly. "I just wanted to check in and see how Alenko was doing before I hit the shower. He was looking pretty bad during the mission briefing this morning."

The doctor didn't quite lose her suspicious look, but after a moment or two she nodded and sat back down in her chair. "I sent him to get some rest in one of the sleeper pods a few hours ago. The migraine seemed to be breaking."

"That's good," Shepard said, letting out a breath she hadn't even realized she was holding.

"Indeed," Chakwas agreed. She eyed Shepard up and down again. "I assume that it was probably a good thing that the lieutenant didn't go on today's mission?"

Shepard gave her a weak grin. "Well, it depends. Is thresher maw acid good or bad for migraines?"

Chakwas stared at her for a moment, her mouth opening and closing silently. Then she groaned and reached up to massage her temples. "I think that it may be giving me one right now."

Shepard gave her an apologetic shrug.

* * *

"I have to admit, I'm not heartbroken that I missed the mission," Alenko said, shaking his head. He leaned back in his chair, half-heartedly poking at the food on his plate with a fork. "I still can't believe you fought a thresher maw in the Mako."

"And won," Shepard pointed out, waving a forkful of something brown and mostly edible at him. "Don't forget the winning part. I think it's kind of important myself."

Her point made, Shepard, put the forkful of food into her mouth.

Williams swallowed what was in her mouth before giving his plate a suspicious look. "The grub's not any worse than usual, LT, but I wouldn't let it get cold if I was you. It doesn't exactly improve the taste."

Alenko gave her a half-hearted shrug. "I'm never that hungry when I'm getting over a migraine."

Shepard glanced up from where she was shoveling food from her own plate into her mouth. "Hungry or not, Alenko, you still need to eat. Biotics 101."

"I know, I know," he muttered, poking at his food again. Then, with the air of someone going to his death, he brought some of it up to his mouth.

Shaking her head, Shepard looked around the mess. There were a few random crewmembers milling about, but none of the ground crew was there except for Alenko and Williams.

"I'm going to have to go down there and drag them up, aren't I?" Shepard asked, grimacing.

Williams raised an eyebrow. "I would pay good money to see you drag Wrex anywhere, Skipper."

Shepard shot her a dirty look.

Williams shot her an overly innocent look. Then her eyes widened a bit at something over Shepard's shoulder.

Shepard was getting ready to turn around and see who or what was there when Tali's voice came from directly behind her. "Is this seat taken, Commander?"

With a smile, Shepard glanced up. She wasn't entirely certain she was meeting Tali's gaze, but she assumed that it was the thought that counted. "It is now," she said. "Make yourself at home, Tali."

Tali hesitated another moment before sitting down. "Thank you."

"Were either of the others coming?" Shepard asked curiously.

There was a short pause. "I'm not entirely certain," Tali said. "I reminded both of them that you had invited us. Garrus was working on the Mako, but I think he was going to come once he had cleaned up. And Wrex… well, Wrex laughed."

None of them said anything for a moment.

"Does it terrify anyone else when he does that?" Alenko asked finally.

"Hell yeah," Williams answered immediately.

Tali nodded fervently.

The table shook as Wrex dropped a giant plate of food down at the empty seat on the end. He grinned at them all, baring his teeth a little more than he probably needed. "Good."

Rolling her eyes, Shepard resisted the urge to say anything to him. That was obviously what he wanted, and things were never going to get any better if she kept rising to the bait. A hint of movement behind him caught her eye, and raised her hand.

"Come on, Garrus, stop lurking back there and join us."

Not quite as hesitantly as the night before, but pretty damn close, Garrus edged his way around Wrex and sat down in the empty seat beside Alenko.

Shepard eyed them all for a moment before letting her gaze drift around the room. Most of the crew were still gathered around, trying carefully not to stare at the ground crew.

She chewed on her lip for a second, thinking. Then she grinned.

"Ma'am?"

Across the table, Williams was eyeing her warily.

"Don't look at me like that, Williams," Shepard said lightly. "I was just thinking that maybe Wrex or Garrus would like to fill you guys in on exactly what happened down on the planet."

Wrex didn't even look from his food. "Not really."

"Was it as terrifying as it sounded?" Tali asked suddenly.

Garrus hesitated for a moment. "Well…"

"Yep," Wrex said, still not looking up from his food. "In all my centuries, I've never seen anything that horrible."

Tali shrank down in her seat, just a little. "Really?"

Garrus's mandibles twitched, but it looked a little different than anything Shepard had seen before. She wasn't quite certain what it meant, but the glint in his eye made her a bit nervous. He took a breath and then, as if he was trying not to change his mind, he spoke up.

"Oh, yeah. It was terrible," Garrus said, shaking his head. "Dreadful."

Alenko glanced between Garrus and Wrex, his brow furrowing. Williams just raised an eyebrow.

Wrex chortled. "Yep. Never seen driving that bad in all my life."

There was silence for a moment. Then everyone at the table burst out laughing.

Shepard rolled her eyes, careful to put on an affronted act. It took a lot of effort to keep the corner of her mouth from twitching, though. At least it was a step in the right direction.


End file.
